goal setting...

So I did a lot of reflecting last week and I worked on some things that I have been wanting to finish.  The thing that I am most excited about is my sticky goals.  I have determined that I need set goals written down and reminders of what I would like to accomplish to help keep me focused.  So through the advice of Big Daddy and Head Mama Pamela from the Smokin' Hot Mama Club I have written down my goals for the remainder of 2012 and I have also written all of the smaller goals so that I can achieve those goals on post-its and placed them on my mirror so that I can see them and be reminded of them every day.  Check my sticky goals out here!  Why do I have a majority on the left side of my mirror you ask?  As I complete them they will be moved from the left side of my mirror to the right side.  As you can see some have already been moved!

Another thing that I started doing also to help me stay focused is deciding which five tasks need to get done that week to help me achieve my Stampin' Up goals, my Mary Kay goals and my personal goals and writing them in my calendar.  Then each morning during my wake-up, meditate, positive affirmation, daily focus time I look at each of those along with any appointments for the day and make a Daily To-Do List of the six key things I want to try to accomplish that day.  This way when I find myself distracted or not sure what to do next, I look at that list and choose one of the items on there that I haven't done yet.  It's been a huge help with keeping me focused, achieving my goals and not wasting time trying to figure out what I should or need to do next.

I also have determined my weekly plan so that I have consistent days and times that I work on all of the things mentioned above.  I try my best to keep to the plan as much as possible, but if I get off course I don't beat myself up about it.

Having said that, my time for blogging is up and I have to move onto my next focus time!  

Take care and remember...

Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.

~The Dalai Lama

*hugs,

Mel

P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!

Failure...

I have always had this underlying feeling of being a failure as a mother.  Now Brianna is already almost out the door, getting ready to move on in her life and it's been difficult to say the least.  Brianna has been with me and been a part of my entire adult life and a little over a year from now she is going to be off on her own chasing her own dreams.  This just makes me feel even more of a failure because I feel like there isn't much I can do about her childhood at this point and there are so many things I failed to do as a mother to prepare her for the Big, Wide World out there.  I also feel like there are so many areas where, because of my own unhappiness and frustration, I have taught her the wrong way to think and feel about things.  For example, based on my own experience, over the years I have made comments that men are all the same, out for themselves.  That no matter how perfect they may seem they will hurt and betray you someday.  Every man I have ever had in my life has (and no it hasn't been a lot!), but it was not fair of me to put that opinion on her by making those comments nor was it fair of me to verify those statements by pointing it out when it happened.  Now I know this sounds really bad and you can judge me all you want, but at least I have the courage to admit it to the world, because it's something I acknowledge as being wrong and it's something that I want to change so that Keira doesn't end up with the same perception about men.  I am sure there has got to be at least one man out there that won't do that! ( ;o) yes I am just kidding!)   


Let me get back to where I started, losing Brianna to her BIG life has really gotten me thinking about what I wish that I would have done for her as a mother.  While I can't change what I have done as a mother in her life, I can do something about what I choose from this day forward with her as well as with Parker and Keira.  I left my job so that I could be a stay at home mom and be what they need.  Now I know that some people don't agree with or support that decision and I am really sorry that they feel the need to put their personal opinions and judgments on me without walking in my shoes.  I feel sorry that they feel like they know what the right decision is for me and my family more than I do and also that they feel the need to focus trying to change someone else's life rather than their own.  I know my children need me now more than ever.  I know that part of the reason they need me more is because I had decided to take a job outside my home that had me working 50-70 hours a week...every week taking away all of the time that I should have spent nurturing them.  I took and kept this job because I thought providing them with all of the material things they wanted (laptops, cell phones, toys, ipods, etc), being able to go out to dinner or participating in all of the extracurricular activities they wanted was more important than me being home for them teaching them to be caring, loving, confident, courageous, responsible and positive changers of the world.  Boy was I wrong!  This is something that I feel a lot of guilt about and is something that I will need to work on getting past because, well, quite frankly it eats away at me every day keeping me down and has also molded who they are as people.  


I have been home since December 1, 2011 and I have come to realize that I never really knew what being a stay-at-home mom meant.  I thought it meant that I needed to always keep up with the laundry and dishes

and make sure the house is spotless; that I needed to cater to their every needs always having a healthy snack ready for them and activities for them to do.  But you know what I realized?  That's not really what being a good mom is to me either.  So, working my butt off so they can have everything they want is not what it means to be a good mom; being their maid and catering to their every need is not what I want them to remember me for...then what is?

What do I want my kids to remember most about me when I pass?  It's not that I did their laundry and put it away neatly; and it's not that the house was always clean.  If there is one thing that I want them to think of it's that I was always there for them to support them and encourage them in everything they have chosen to do in and with their lives.  I want them to know that no matter what decisions they make that I would never leave them hanging without a support.  That even though I might not have chosen that decision for them that I would never put that pressure on them and make them feel any less than perfect just because they chose something different.    


But what else?  What exactly do I want to mean to them?  What do I want to have done for them and their lives?  Once I identify that I want to write it down for a reminder and I want to focus my energy on being just that.  Once I have become that person then I can move onto other things.  I will always have that nagging feeling of being a failure as a mother unless I do something about it.  I can't just quit them and be done like I have done with so many other things when I have felt like a failure.  I will feel even more guilty and even more of a failure but even more my children will have missed out on the amazingly beautiful, loving & supportive mother that I know I can be!  


No matter how successful I am with business or personal goals that will always weigh me down, so this needs to be one of my #1 priorities.  I know I could be better.  I know I want to be better and different than I have chosen to be.  For some reason, well...for fear of failure and probably for fear of success, I stop myself.  I don't do things I want to do.  I do things I don't want to.  I do as little as I can to get by and I don't want to "coast by" with that part of my life anymore.  Time to step and be the best mother to my children that I can possibly be.  If I am a failure at everything else in life, but am extremely successful at this one thing, my life will be complete.  I will feel content with what I have accomplished.



Take care and remember...
Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.
~The Dalai Lama
*hugs,
Mel


P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!

DAY 51 - I don't have to have it ALL - Right NOW!

Hello my friends!  Wow!  I just realized it's been a week since I last posted.  A lot has happened since then both physically with being busy and emotionally/mentally.  My two youngest children were with my mom and step-dad on their second annual trip down south for some sun and swimming.  I'll be honest, I had high hopes for what I would be able to accomplish while they weren't home and yet I didn't even come CLOSE to finishing half of what I had planned.  I guess the work-a-holic in me overestimated the amount of time I really had to accomplish things.  Rather than getting down on myself I am quite excited that one thing I did do was deep clean my closet!  It was a complete disaster with years of neglect, piles of clothes, Stampin' Up! supplies,  Mary Kay supplies and years of memory stuff for all five of us - CHAOS!  I have procrastinated doing anything because being the perfectionist that I am I knew I couldn't make it perfectly how I wanted to so I chose to just not take care of it.  NO MORE!  I tackled that closet head on!  It took me two days, but I weeded out the four bags of clothes that we no longer wear and neatly organized everything else into sections.  What a relief that is!

Every year, my best friend plans a girls camping trip in Lake George, NY with anywhere from 8 to 40 really amazing women from all over the northeast.  This past weekend was the date for our Girls, Girls and S'more Girls GLAMping adventure.  So Thursday I left for this fun-filled weekend.  There were 15 of us this year, but as always we had a blast with no bickering or cattiness, just 15 women hanging out, talking about life and  having fun and adventure together.  Very relaxing!  I had no plans or intentions for the weekend besides just chillaxin' with the ladies.  One of my friends had posted a picture of us on her facebook and tagged me.  I was fortunate that one of the ladies from my mentor group noticed the picture and commented that she challenged me to do something to make the trip memorable (Thank you Ashley!!).  So all of the ladies on the trip started thinking about what I could do, as did I.  Deep down I knew immediately what that thing should be, but I didn't mention it because I wasn't sure I would be able to do it.

Every year we go to a place called Tubby Tubes and tube down the Hudson.  About halfway down we stop at a rock and a bunch of the ladies take turns jumping off a rock into the 30 feet of water.  I have NEVER even considered doing this.  A part of me always wanted to, but my inner sissy, we'll call her Peatie, stopped me out of fear.  This is what would make this camping trip extremely memorable, so...

I not only jumped in, but I also dove in several times!  I still can't believe I did it.  I never understood where that fear came from and what was holding me back and I still don't know, but it isn't there anymore!  I conquered it and didn't let it hold me back!

Thanks Ashley for giving me that challenge!  Thanks Julie for posting the picture of us on Facebook!  Thank you Girls, Girls and S'more Girls 2012 participants for assisting me with this and thank you to my very favorite friend, Heather for planning this wonderful weekend that we all look forward to every year!  Love you lots!


Take care and remember...
Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.
~The Dalai Lama
*hugs,
Mel

P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!

DAY 43 - 10 POUNDS!!!

I can't even tell you how excited I am!  I have lost 10 pounds in just three weeks!  I am so proud of myself that I have stuck with it!  I have re-sized my stomach ... well not surgically, but I cant eat as much as I used to at a time.  Last night for dinner we had grilled chicken & veggies. I put a couple pieces of chicken and the veggies (peppers, squash, asparagus) in a wrap with a little sour cream (nope I am not depriving myself from everything - always less than a serving!).  I ate half an ear of corn and three bites of my wrap and I was full. Can't complain there!

I do still struggle with my hungry time.  I don't know about you, but I could go all morning and early afternoon without eating anything, especially if I have my cup of coffee.  Then about 2/3pm I start to get hungry and I literally could graze the rest of the night until I go to bed.  I have been pretty good and only having one snack after dinner at about 7pm or 8 at the latest and not eating anything at 10/11 when I am usually starving, so that has obviously made a big difference.  I have been trying not to have just carbs for dinner like I used to a few days a week when we would have a pasta (my husband is Italian you know!) and I also really try to have no carbs for my evening snack although that's usually when I am craving something crunchy and either sweet or salty...or both.  I am not really sure what a good substitute is for that so I have been having popcorn or potato straws.  I will tell you that I do have a bag of Hershey's Simple Pleasures Chocolate, I treat myself to one a day at most.  I also have TCBY Frozen Yogurt for when I am craving ice cream and I only have a bite or two...instead of a whole quart.  I think allowing myself to still have some of the foods that I enjoy, just to enjoy them instead of fueling my body is one of the things that's helping me stay so focused on eating healthy.  I don't want to be on a DIET, I want to change my eating lifestyle so that I m fueling my body with proper nutrition and then allowing myself a treat, once in a while when I want it and completely enjoying it - as long as I don't it daily or several times a day or more than a serving at a time.

Anyway, I need to get back to one of my intentions for the month - decluttering my house!  Right now I am working on my closet which has been the dumping grounds for years of clothes that I have grown in and out of (and my husband too) and memory stuff - and I'm a scrapbooker so I save EVERYTHING!  We literally put thousands of dollars worth of clothes into a pile to donate.  I had so many business outfits because of my previous work and now I don't really need any, so I got rid of most of them keeping only a few just in case.  And since I am a perfectionist and I never felt like I had the time to organize my memorabilia over the years in the way that I really wanted to I just piled it...and piled it...and...piled...it!  So I am going through every piece and separating it into scrapbook pile or one of the kids piles and then I am setting up a system so that I don't have to do this again in a few years!

I also have a run day today, which after yesterdays strength is going to hurt!  I also have a lunch date with my dad whom I only see a handful of times a year!  And then there's transporting my oldest to and from her two jobs.  Oh and taking care of some Mary Kay business...and packing and prepping for an annual girls camping trip that I leave for on Thursday!  Phew - that's a busy day!  But the only way to get more energy is to use all of it up today!


Take care and remember...
Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.
~The Dalai Lama
*hugs,
Mel

P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!


          

DAY 39 - sometimes it's just hard...

I have to be honest this week I have struggled every day with getting up and definitely exercising.  I feel like if I hadn't already signed up for the race and bought plane tickets that I might be slacking off.  Don't get me wrong I have run on all of my run days and exercised on Monday which is a non-running day.  I did take Wednesday off to be with the family all day even though I know I could have worked out in the morning.  Those excuses...my Big Ole But are starting to creep back in!  But I a tired...But I have so many other things to do...But there isn't enough time...But, but, but, but, BUT!  I can NOT let my BUT keep me from doing my best even though it's big one!  ;o)

Having said that..I guess that means that I need to work out at some point today.  It's not a running day, but I finally have a key to the gym again so I should take advantage of that!I really would like a run and work out buddy, so if anybody reading this is from Clifton Park, NY please comment me below and we can hook up for a work out date.

On another note, I also have been slacking a little in the food arena.  Not too bad though because we almost never have junk food in the house and Wednesday at the Fourth of July Carnival I found a fruit smoothie bar (with no line of course!) and grilled chicken and veggie skewers.  So really it isn't that bad, but I just haven't been eating all of the veggies and fruit that I know I should be eating.  I don't quit though like I have done in the past, I don't think, "Well I already messed up today so I might as well wait and start tomorrow!" No I am not doing that!  I am conscious and aware of everything I decide to eat and sometimes, I say, "You know it's ok that I have this one bite of chocolate today."  I just don't say that several times a day like I used!  So I guess overall I am practicing to eat and live a better, healthier lifestyle.  It's something that I will be practicing I guess for the rest of my life.  I am not a failure because I am not doing it perfectly which is what I struggled with before.  I am just human and that's what makes me perfect is that I am not giving up.


Take care and remember...
Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.
~The Dalai Lama
*hugs,
Mel

P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!

    

DAY 35! What a difference a month makes!

What a huge difference I notice within myself just in the past month.  At the beginning of June I felt very lost and confused about life and today I am very focused and am dreaming BIG about all of the things that I want to accomplish.

My intentions for the month of June were:
1. Be the best ME I can be.
2. Master the art of NOT-multitasking and gratitude.
3. Determine Family Summer Bucket List
4. Develop/Finalize my business plan (this was initially for Stampin' Up!)
5. Put my personal long term goals in writing and start the goals breakdown.

So let's see how I did...
BEST ME - Of course I wasn't the best me I could be every single second of every day, but I tried really hard to truly be the best I could be.

NOT-MULTITASKING & GRATITUDE - As far as mastering the art of NOT-multitasking, while I wouldn't claim it an epic fail, I would have to say I definitely need some more practice before I can say that I am a Master!  Same goes for gratitude.  On the days when I woke up at the specific time that I had decided on I will say it was much easier and I felt much more on top of everything and in control.  I also felt like I accomplished a lot more and not because of the time, but more because of the focus I was able to have.

SUMMER BUCKET LIST - We each did pick out five things that we wanted to accomplish this summer, one of which included something that benefited or helped someone else.  We have even been able to cross some of those things off already which is pretty exciting!

BUSINESS PLAN - I was able to finish my business plan for the next 6 months for my Stampin' Up! business.  I have since, however, signed on to be a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant and I do have to write up my business plan for that.  I plan to work on that today and hopefully have it completed by the end of the week.

LONG TERM GOALS - well you can see them yourself, there is a link to the page that lists them at the top of my blog 5 BHAG!  Check 'em out!

So I think I did pretty well at my first month of Intentional Living!  I have already selected the things I want to focus on for July and I have to say it's a pretty tall order.  I do understand that one of them (cleaning and reorganizing the ENTIRE house), is going to take a lot of time and might not get all done before the end of the month, but if it's at least half done I will be happy.  Check out my five intentions for July:

JULY INTENTIONS:

1. Be the best Melissa I can be!

2. Clean, Pitch & Reorg the entire house (inc. shed & garage).

3. Meet monthly goals for Stampin’ Up! & Mary Kay.

4. Bring kids on “adventure” at least one day a week.

5. Run three days a week, strength training three days a week and about 1200 calories a day.

What are yours?  If you don't know, I challenge you to think about it and comment below.  I would love to read what you hope to accomplish by the end of July!

Take care and remember...

Change doesn't come from the sky.  It comes from human action.

~The Dalai Lama

*hugs,

Mel

P.S. Don't be afraid to leave me comments below!  I would love your support in this challenging journey.  Just make sure to keep it positive please.  Thanks!